Note: I originally posted this on my facebook, but I am posting it here as well in case I decide to delete my facebook profile, and just to keep it with the rest of my “stuff.”
I hesitate to make this post, but these feelings have been on my mind a lot in recent weeks. Heavy on my mind, heavy on my heart. I’d really like you to read it. To my friends and family, I hope you will respond to it in a direct way, whether here, or ideally privately somehow.
Let your love be clear.
My little family is in one of the groups (well, more than one, actually, but let’s focus on the one) being heavily targeted by the Trump administration and republican representatives across the United States. Here is just one small excerpt from Erin In The Morning’s Post-Election 2024 Anti-Trans Risk Assessment Map:
“Nationwide Risk: High. Attacks on trans people were a significant part of the 2024 election cycle, and Trump has already shown an appetite to appoint anti-transgender extremists to major posts in government. These include Harmeet Dhillon, a major anti-trans attorney who represents Chloe Cole, and Trump’s pick for FTC commissioner Andrew Ferguson, who has stated he will target youth and adult care.
Here are the categories:
Do Not Travel (FL, TX): Two states have earned “Do Not Travel” advisories: Florida and Texas. Florida has a law that allows for the arrest of transgender people for using bathrooms according to their gender identity and another policy targets transgender people’s drivers licenses. Florida has also put into effect a policy that says trans people “misrepresenting” their gender on their drivers license could be guilty of fraud. Local LGBTQ+ orgs as well as HRC have issued travel advisories for the state. This analysis likewise concurs with such a rating. In Texas, the state is not only ignoring court ordered drivers license changes for trans adults, but it is also creating a database of people attempting to make such changes. Meanwhile, Odessa, TX has passed a bounty ordinance that puts $10,000 bounties on transgender people in bathrooms, with more legislation expected this year.”
A little over a year and a half ago we moved across the country from Florida to Washington state because we were worried about the direction things were going in Florida, and in the country in general. Washington state seemed like a much safer place to be. We spent a lot of money and put ourselves into a good deal of debt to do it. But what may have seemed pretty silly and unnecessary to some of those around us was a very real matter of safety to us. I am and appear cis and pass as straight. My spouse does not.
We worried that we were overreacting. That we were being swayed by fearmongering. So before we made the decision to move, I reached out to someone I know who is extremely well educated in a politically relevant field, who is part of the lgbtq+ community. Someone who keeps an eye on this sort of thing, and who I know to be level-headed.
“It’s time to go.” They suggested that if we couldn’t get out of the country, then yes, get to a safer state.
We spent our savings. We put a lot on credit cards. We drove across the country, and still wondered whether we were being stupid.
Now we look at how quickly things are being rolled out or brought to the floor, both nationally and at the state level across the country, against minority groups that it has been clear all along this administration and its allies would target. And we are grateful to be in a state that we believe will try to protect us. But we worry that it will not be enough.
The point of this post is that I, my little family, and many like us who are in minority groups presently being targeted, *need* to know who is there to support us. And we need to hear it clearly. Do not assume that we “just know.” What I “just know” is that yes, there are people in my life who love me. But I also know that many wonderful, wonderful people in my life have voted republican in the past. Or not voted. Or voted third party. Or voted democrat and I just don’t know where they fall. Or, or, or. And the truth is, unless you are vocal about “hey, I DO NOT support what is happening here, I AM AGAINST THE HARM BEING CAUSED AND THE PEOPLE DOING IT. And I want you to know that I ABSOLUTELY support you. I love you, and I support you, and I will STAND UP FOR YOU”… if you are not saying those words directly and clearly, then I have no idea whether you have my back or not. It doesn’t matter whether we’re close or not, or how close we might be. It doesn’t matter how much I know you love me. I know that a lot of people view “politics” (and I do not view this as politics, but I know that some people do) as separate from love and relationships. So this is something that needs to be said clearly and outright.
I am telling you that whether you are feeling the fear or not, whether it feels like all of this is touching your life or not, whether it feels like these concerns are realistic or not… all of this is very real, very frightening, and very much of an impact to many of us. It is affecting the choices we make and the plans we are making. Many are trying to figure out how to get safer countries. Those who can’t are working to get to safer states. Some don’t have the resources to do either and are stuck where they’re at. And some choose to stay where they are and fight.
I know I’ve used a lot of words here, and sometimes you just need things to be extra clear. So I’ll try to do that in some bullet points. I love bullet points.
– Do not choose silence because “I know they already know I care about them.” I *don’t* know. I don’t know whether you care enough to keep me safe, because you’ve never said so. You’ve never said it clearly. We’ve never had that conversation. And/or we haven’t had it recently.
– Do not choose silence because “We’re not all that close.” You still matter. You don’t know how much you matter.
– Be clear. Don’t only say “I love you for exactly who you are” or other things that, left by themselves, could be vague and potentially leave room for uncertainty. You need to state outright where you stand on current and potential future actions taken by the U.S., state, and local governments, and by individuals, groups, and companies in our communities. Because if you’re not clear, I’m not clear.
– Do not talk around it. Do not say “You know I love you and I’ll always take care of you, I’ll always be there for you, right?” That is a WONDERFUL sentiment and is very, very welcome. But it does not directly address what is happening right now. BE. DIRECT. You need to state exactly what it is we’re talking about, and you need to be clear about where you stand and that you support and will protect me/my family/the person you’re talking to.
I am not calling out anyone here. I am speaking to all of you. I am speaking to everyone on my friends list, and everyone out there beyond my friends list. I am speaking for myself, and for others like me who don’t feel like they can talk about what life is really like right now, because they don’t know if it’s going to be a safe conversation with a safe person.
If you care about someone who may be negatively impacted by the very worrisome direction things are already headed, please talk to them. Be clear in expressing your support. And *mean it.* Be prepared to follow through.
I don’t know how many of you I will hear from, or when. But I really, really hope to hear from at least some of you.
I am making this post public so that it is shareable. Please do share if you like. My hope is that it will encourage others to reach out to their loved ones in a meaningful way.
Let your love be clear.